Mini Note #7: The Reason I Became a Witch

For many years when I went to karaoke/noraebang with friends, one of my go-to's was a song called "The Reason I Became a Witch" by NS Yoon-G/Yoon-ji, now known as actress Yunjee Kim. It's an intensely 2010s song that's very of the moment of its release musically, and features a female perspective focused on being bitter and aggressive while simultaneously sexy and empowering in its revenge dreams.

Although it's about love and, perhaps embarrassingly, I've never been in love, I have been pissed off, and this song very much called out to me in that regard at the time. The song came out in 2012, during a particularly frustrating period of my life, and I was pissed off then, and I internalized this song, particularly it's chorus, where blame is focused outward instead of inward:

"I hate you forget you – I hate you
Shut up, piss off, please just give up
The reason I became a witch
The reason I became more spiteful
Because because –
it’s all because of you" - translation by Color Coded Lyrics.

I've since spent many years in therapy and realized that there's only so much blame I can focus on someone else, but I can't help but find myself thinking about this song all week, because that feels like the energy that so many of us have right now: no matter how much we have tried to improve personally, we cannot change the world around us from being god awful terrible.

The energy to shout out our hate, and rage, and become more spiteful about the world around us opting into a darker timeline full of hate and moving back the clock on social justice movements, education, and so much else. "The Reason I Became a Witch" turned 12 this year. In Judaism, that's the age of adulthood for women. Fitting, that an anthem of female rage reaches the era of maturity in 2024 as so many of us are facing a reality where our rights are set back. We're seeing people talk about fear mongering and denaturalizing citizens that feels terribly reminiscent of pre-Holocaust laws, and we are now expecting a generation of damage to the current laws of the land.

I wish I had something more substantial to say than it's okay to be angry, and to be bitter, and to be scared, and to be sad, and to hold onto that for however long you need to because these feelings are what you need to feel right now. So rally for causes you believe in, and donate to the charities still trying to make a difference in this reality. Find comfort in entertainment and music, and in the companionship of communities you choice to make your own.

I recently went to the Museum of Jewish Heritage here in NYC for the first time since grade school, and I discovered in one exhibit a research paper conducted by doctors and scientists in the Warsaw Ghetto: they were researching their effects of starvation. Their research subjects? Themselves. Because medicine was their passion and gave them focus beyond the hell they lived in. The friend I was with happens to be a doctor, and she and I couldn't help but laugh while tearing up: even when amidst a genocide, Jews still are stereotypical nerds and doctors. But I can't stop thinking about it, because it shows not only curiosity but a sense of "let me do this one small thing while I can because I am here now."

Because it's only with things worth living for, whatever that means to you, that we can all try not to just survive but thrive under a dark regime (to quote something a friend said to one of my group chat's earlier today, that really), a regime that really, really hates the idea of women making it clear how much we absolutely loathe and revile it.